BOYS....I was used to raising girls a good five years before Trey came into our lives. He has been a completely different experience for us, me in particular! I mean, I was raised with one SISTER under a pretty strict household. None of these boy shenanigans would be allowed (or would they...we'll never know!).
My girls are quiet, do well in school, and well behaved almost all of the time. Trey is LOUDLY opinionated (don't know where he got that :), school isn't as easy for him, and I think he tries to stay out of trouble (although, lately it seems it follows him). He always has a story to tell and sometimes it get exaggerated, I mean he is 9 years old.
I can tell you that the past four months, I have been on my knees praying harder than I have in a long time. Mostly about guidance and wisdom on how to handle this BOY of mine!
I went through a stage of protective denial, aka enabling. It didn't take long for me to realize that
1. that wasn't going to work
2. It wasn't doing either of us any good, in fact, I may have gotten an ulcer over it all and his behavior problem seemed to peak.
About a week before school let out for Christmas break, I became very angry. I was angry about an incident that happened with Trey and a 16 year old (of all things). I was working that day, subbing in Trey's classroom, in fact. It happened at lunch and I missed the whole thing somehow! Evidently Trey was pestering this kid (16 year old boy) and ended up throwing a basketball and hitting him in the head. Well, the kid had enough and went and grabbed Trey and picked him up by the neck and told him to stop.
Okay---just let me stop right here and say something---A part of me says he shouldn't have been pestering the older boy, and maybe this will teach him a lesson. I mean, Trey was obviously very upset about the whole thing. He had a red mark across his neck!
BUT, the " Mama Bear" in me has to ask why doesn't a 16 year old possess enough self-control to keep his hands off of a younger kid (or anyone for that matter) ? REALLY??
Now for the part that made me extremely angry and a bit hurt. My, uh hum, co-worker (Mother-Helper-In-Charge) actually SAW the 16 year old pick Trey up by the neck and wasn't even going to say anything to me until I mentioned it to her.
---Again, I have to interrupt my own story to say this: When I'm at school, I am a substitute; I am a receptionist; I am a cook/server; I wear many hats, but first and foremost, I am a MOTHER. I try my hardest to love/treat every one of those 70 kids like I want my kids to be loved/treated. Some kids are harder than others, but I still try :) So, I expect another Mother Helper to treat kids, mine included, the same way. I felt (and still do a little) that all of the adults: my co-worker, the 16 year olds teacher, all seemed to say it was Trey's fault. He pretty much asked for it.
Okay, I somewhat agree, as I stated before. BUT, this opens a whole other subject for me. I sent my kids to a private CHRISTIAN school to avoid some of this mess. I know kids will be kids no matter what school they attend. I also know that High School students specifically, have to sign a paper upon acceptance to the school (yearly), agreeing to the rules and regulations. Several of these were breached by the 16 year old. One of them being the disrespect he showed to me (as part of the staff, not a mother).
I really feel like a lot of the older students don't realize how much the younger classes look up to them. They are watching them, and it's time they see that their actions and language not only affect them, but others as well. When they see a 16 year old, High School student pounding on a younger kid, they think it's okay for them to do the same. It can become detrimental to the school as a whole.
This just happens to apply to Christian adults too. We may not go around pounding on each other physically, but don't we do just as much harm in other ways? Gossiping, manipulating, competing, backbiting...I could go on, but you get the picture. Younger, less mature Christians are watching us, thinking that if they see us participating in these behaviors, they can do the same. It is not only a detriment to our spiritual lives, but also to our families and churches.
With New Years coming up, of course we all start thinking about resolutions. Why not make this our goal/resolution for this year? To be the example that leads and points others to Christ. I have always said, even though it sounds cliché, one of the best policies is, "What Would Jesus Do?". Not just to decide if something is right or wrong, but He always pointed to His Father. Sounds like a great way to start the new year!
As for Trey (and me), I think Christmas break came at a perfect time. We are both getting the chance to, well, BREAK. I have seen some major improvements in his behavior in general and just typing this makes me feel a little better!
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