I used to think that menopause would arrive politely. You know maybe a quiet heads-up like, "Hey girl, we're wrapping things up." Instead, menopause kicked down the door, flipped the thermostat to surface of the sun, and whispered, "Good luck figuring out what's normal now."
Hot flashes are not just "feeling warm." They are internal combustion events. HELLO HOT FLASH OLYMPICS!! I could be sitting perfectly still, minding my business, when BAM! my body decides I'm being chased by a lion. Meanwhile everyone else is fine. "Are you hot?" someone asks. No. I am melting.
And sleep; Never heard of her! Menopause sleep is a special kind of betrayal. I would fall asleep just fine- confident, hopeful, smug even. Then 3:07 a.m. hits. My eyes snap open like I've been summoned. My brain immediately began reviewing every awkward thing I've ever said since 1996. I wasn't tired. I wasn't sleepy. I was just awake. For no reason. With regrets.
My poor husband, he didn't know what to do or think because everything he did or said was WRONG!
The fun bonus feature of it all is the part where you swear you are going crazy! I would walk into a room with purpose and leave with confusion. I still sometimes forget words mid-sentence and replace them with "that thing" while aggressively pointing. My brain is still there. It just needs more buffering time now.
But somewhere between the night sweats and mood swings, I've stopped caring about things that don't matter (as much). I say "no" more easily. I rest without guilt. I dress for comfort and speak more honestly. So, in those ways, menopause seems almost freeing!
If you've noticed I used the past tense while writing this. I am only 47 and I am pretty sure I'm not completely through menopause, but about a year and a half ago, I was tired of the night sweats and not being able to lose the weight (no matter how little I ate or how much I worked out). My gynecologist and I came up with a plan, and I was introduced to hormone replacement therapy. The weight has been steadily coming off, and I feel more myself (most of the time!). The night sweats are not as often, and I am monitored closely. It's not a cure-all, but it definitely lessens the more annoying symptoms.
Hey, at least I know where my keys are.
Probably. Maybe.
Much Love,
Beth
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