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Grace, Grit, & That One Person in the Next Pew

 Let's just say it: church would be perfect...if it weren't for people. Kidding. (Mostly).


The truth is, church is a beautiful, messy gathering of imperfect humans trying to follow a perfect Savior. Which means at some point, you will encounter that person. You know the one. The human equivalent of a squeaky pew. The one who corrects your grammar in prayer request, critiques the potluck macaroni, and somehow has "just a thought" after every business meeting. 

So how do we deal with difficult people in church without losing our sanity?

Well, this one my kind of hurt, but remember you might be that person to someone else. Before you get too comfortable pointing fingers, let's pause. Somewhere, someone has probably sighed deeply after talking to us. Humbling? Yes. Necessary? Also, yes. Grace goes both ways. If we want it, we have to give it!

Another thing to remember is that church is not heaven. You may just need to readjust your expectations. There are people of all different stages of growth. Some are brand new believers; some have been saved for 40 years but still haven't mastered not interrupting during class. Spiritual maturity is a process, not a personality transplant. Lowering expectations helps us respond with grace as opposed to shock.

Sometimes you just have to have "Holy Humor" and laugh a little. Not in a mean way, but in a "Lord, help me not to take this so seriously" kind of way. When someone says something awkward or overly blunt, or just plain strange, you can either stew about it or just chuckle and move on. A little humor can keep your heart light and your attitude soft.

Setting boundaries without feeling guilty. Jesus was loving, but He also stayed away from unnecessary conflict/drama. You are allowed to do the same. If someone constantly drains you, it is okay to 

  • Keep conversations shorter
  • Redirect topics
  • Excuse yourself (politely, of course)
  • Don't engage with gossip or negativity
Boundaries aren't unspiritual. They are wise.

Respond, don't react. There is a big difference. Reacting is what happens when someone says something annoying and you immediately fire back (and then think about it all the way home). Responding is choosing your words with intention, even if that intention is simply, "I'm going to smile and not say what I am thinking right now."
A gentle answer really does turn away wrath...and also prevents post-service regret!

This one may sound a little cliche, but pray for them (yes, really). Don't skip this because prayer really does change everything. It's hard to stay irritated with someone that you are genuinely praying for. When you start asking God to bless them, help them, and grow them, something shifts; not just in them, but in you.
And who knows, they may be going through something that you can't see.

Focus on the mission, not the irritation. At the end, church isn't about personalities, it's about purpose.
People need Jesus. Lives are being changed. Hearts are being healed. And yes, that's happening right next to someone who talks a little too much during announcements.
Don't let minor frustrations distract you from major ministry.

Dealing with difficult people in church is less about fixing them and more about refining us. It grows our patience, it stretches our grace, and it teaches us to love people who aren't easy--which, if we're honest includes all of us on certain days.

So next Sunday when you see that person coming your way, take a deep breath, say a quick prayer and remember: God is working on them, and he is definitely working on you too.

Much Love,
Beth

 

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