Harder Than Expected

Hey guys! So glad you came back to listen to my ramblings. I will be the first to admit that I just seem to be having a hard time lately. I'm doing my best not to show it though. I still smile, laugh, teach my high schooler, attend church, clean the house...all.the.things.

So what's the problem? Change.

I, like many of you, am a creature of habit. I love routine. I crave routine. I thrive in routines. Routines are my jam.

I have been a mother for almost 20 years (wow!). My very inquisitive niece asked my just last week, "Aunt Beth, when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?". After I thought about it for a second I told her probably a singer or actress (something ridiculous), but mostly I just wanted to be a mom. When I graduated high school and headed to college, I had my sights set on having a career as a writer. To this day I still love to write, but only in my spare time and unfortunately, not for money. Carl and I married my junior year of college and I found out I was pregnant with Carlie 9 months before graduation (my due date was on my graduation date!). Late in my pregnancy I had some issues and ended up giving birth 5 1/2 weeks early. I was unable to finish school and took a break until the following fall...then in October I found out i was pregnant with Makena....so I quit. My heart wasn't in it and my priorities had changed. I loved being a mom. Before I had kids Carl and I had made the decision that I would stay home with them. He came from a home where his mother worked and mine worked from home (in-home daycare). I loved and took pride in taking care of the kids and our home. When Makena was three, I had Trey. Managing my home: the kids, the laundry, cleaning schedules, activities...they made me feel accomplished.

Twenty years of parenting and now my house is kind of empty. Trey is here...and believe me, he has my full attention. I feel like I am "all up in his business" (maybe more than ever) because I have nowhere else to be.

To be completely honest, I feel a little lost. I have more "free time" but I feel like I don't have a purpose. *I KNOW I do*

I have decided that I need a new hobby or something. I have cleaned all I want to, I am not crafty, so I have decided to try out a new instrument. I sat at the piano and quickly decided against that. I went in Makena's room and looked around: hmmm, do I want the drums? Bass guitar? Acoustic guitar? Ukelele? Ah ha...THE VIOLIN. Yes, I think I will.

This should be fun. Wish me luck!

Free time can be fun.

I will make it through this change...eventually. Right now it's just kind of lonely.

Much Love,

Beth

Comments

Monday Morning Chit-Chat

Happy Monday, friends! Well, here we are again. Another Monday morning, another fresh week, and another cup of coffee that I'm hoping will magically give me the energy to accomplish all the things on my to-do list. Spoiler alert: It probably won't. But I'm going to drink it anyway. I thought we would start this week with a little old-fashioned chit-chat. Nothing too serious, nothing life changing. Just a little catching up on life lately, a few random thoughts, and whatever else happens to pop into my head. you know, the kind of conversation we'd have if you stopped by my house, pulled up a chair, and stayed a while. So grab your coffee (or whatever gets you going in the morning), and let's visit. First things first...it's October! This year is absolutely flying by. I love this time of year. The cozy evenings, the fall decorations, the soups and comfort foods, and the excuse to stay home in my pajamas a little longer. Now if Arkansas could just get the memo t...

What's Up Wednesday

Happy What's Up Wednesday! Today I am linking up with Shay and Sheaffer for another "What's Up Wednesday" Let's do this! What we're eating this week... So far this week we have made: Wings on the Pit Boss Slow Cooker Pineapple Pork Chops You can't get any easier than wings and chops! Especially when they are on the grill and slow cooker!! What I'm Reminiscing About... Septembers past: September is Trey's birth month. It is also the month that my grandpa died four years ago. This is the year that Papa gave Trey a gun for his birthday. He was so proud to give it to Trey and you can tell by the look on Trey's face how happy he was. Such a sweet moment to remember. Our county fair is also in September. My kids used to love it when they were younger. They still love rides, just not the traveling kind :) This was Wrenley's school picture last year. She has grown so much in one year :) What I'm Loving... Makena and my mom have started mak...

Be Her: When Our Ideal Self Becomes an Idol

Ella Langley's "Be Her" got me thinking about something I think a lot of women struggle with- the woman we think we should be. You know her. She's more disciplined. More confident. More put together. She exercises, keeps the house clean, reads her Bible every morning, never loses her patience, and somehow always has good hair. We tell ourselves, If I could just be her..... And there's nothing wrong with wanting to grow. But what happens when the woman we want to become turns into an idol? Sometimes we become so focused on our ideal self that we forget to ask God who He wants us to become. There's a subtle difference between praying, "Lord, make me more like Christ," and saying, "Lord, help me to become the woman I've decided I need to be." One is surrender. The other can easily become control. Philippians 1:6 reminds us that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. God isn't waiting fo...

The Bright Eyed Brunette

Search This Blog